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Welcome

In the early days of open adoption, birthparents and adoptive parents often met at the time of the adoption but did not necessarily maintain contact over the years. Today we define an open adoption as one in which the birthparents and the adoptive parents meet, share full identifying information, and have a relationship that continues to grow and change over the years. Open adoption is not co-parenting. The legal rights of the birthparents have ended; the adoptive parents have all the legal rights to the child. Open adoption is not shared parenting as in a divorce. The adoptive parents are the parents in every sense of word. The heart of open adoption is a relationship of trust and respect and one that keeps the best interests of the child in mind at all times.

While families and birthparents determine the type and frequency of contact they will have over the years, most engage in ongoing visitations. Children fare better with concrete information rather than with abstract concepts (about a lot of things, not just adoption). Traditionally, the words 'adoption' and 'birthparents' have been difficult for children to understand because they have nothing concrete to attach to these words. Open adoption has made it easier for children because they have concrete information and contact with their birthparents (such as a visit that is memorable for the child, or a stuffed animal sent for his or her birthday).

While your friends and relatives may tell you how confusing open adoption will be for the child, it has been proven that children are smarter than that. They figure out very quickly who Mom and Dad are—the people who take care of them on a daily basis. Rather than children being confused, it is easier for them to understand adoption when their birthparents are a concrete reality in their lives. With ongoing visitation they have a relationship with each other just as they do with other caring relatives. Hopefully, there is also communication within the extended family about adoption.

Open adoption creates a way for birthparents to share in their child's life and to be a link to the child's history. Some birthparents and adoptive parents may find an ongoing relationship difficult at times, and may need to touch base with their agencies for support. Both birthparent and adoptive parent must find the balance that is right for them, again keeping in mind the child's needs.

All adopted children need assurance of the permanence of their adoptive family. In open adoption, not only can the adoptive parents discuss the permanence of their family, but the birthparents can provide added assurance (such as "I chose them to be your Mommy and Daddy.") Birthparents are available to help with those inevitable questions all adopted children seem to have.

Trust is the center of open adoption. The love, concern, and sensitivity to each other's feelings are what open adoption is all about. Children feel assurance and permanence, adoptive parents' fears are put to rest, and birthparents' feelings of grief and loss are lessened with the knowledge that this is not the end but the beginning of a relationship that will last a lifetime.