Adoption Story: Domestic State Children - “The Joys of Adopting Boys”

Doug and Marianne adopt Tommy and Joey

My husband Doug and I had raised our five birthchildren and wanted to share our home, hearts, and family with others who needed us.  The first step for me was to become involved in working with foster families in San Diego; eventually I decided I might like to be a foster or adoptive mother.  Doug agreed with me, but we did not want to adopt in California because their adoption laws are not written as well as Oregon’s.  We moved to Bend, and about a year ago, Doug and I took steps to make the total commitment of adoption.  We knew Oregon’s state workers were overloaded and it was unrealistic to expect them to advocate for us.  We called PLAN and met people who were eager to work on our behalf.  Beth Edens, PLAN’s State Children Adoptions coordinator, was great—she knew the children in the state system and was excellent at guiding us to children who would be a good fit for us.

“Tommy and Joey need truly committed adoptive parents who can show them what a forever, growing-up family really means.  Tommy hopes to find a parent who can give him encouragement; Joey needs a parent who can comfort him with tenderness.”

These words leaped out at us.   They described two brothers who had been in state care since they were ages three and two.  Now they were ages ten and nine; they had suffered from being moved to three different foster care homes.  Our hearts went out to these innocent, young boys who had never known a consistent family life.

We chose to meet the boys, and after getting to know them, we knew Tommy and Joey were the ones we wanted to join our family.  With help from PLAN, the boys arrived home on July 29!   We sent out an announcement to our family and friends that said:

“We are honored to be chosen as the adoptive parents for these two young boys.  We look forward to spending the month of August getting to know each other and beginning to create the family we will become.  After that time, we look forward to visiting with our larger family and having them visit with us.    

During this process we have been supported and encouraged by everyone in all our families.  It is our hope that Tommy and Joey will experience the great blessing a loving family can be.  Please join us in welcoming these kids into one of the finest (and largest) families we know.”  

Doug and I have been pleased to discover that Tommy and Joey are so open instead of being shut down.  They’re willing to share their feelings with us and are learning that telling us the truth yields positive results.  We just returned from a ten-day trip to New York City where we celebrated the wedding of our oldest son.  Tommy and Joey experienced what it’s like to be part of a large family that loves and respects each other.  We’re proud of how fast they learned how to cope with being bored during long adult sessions, how to use good table manners during formal meals, and how to dance joyfully with their new sisters and cousins at the reception.

Best of all, we’re thrilled that the boys are able to receive love.  We have so much to give them, and it’s a delight to see them taking it in.  All four of us have a lot of work to do—the boys are teaching us as much as we are teaching them.  It’s a privilege to share our lives with them!